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Help I'm Alive

One year on:

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It is becoming more apparent I am a slave to my emotions. I want to start anew, for you and for my new life in London. I want to look back and retell my story, if not for you but for my soul.


I think I'm quite screwed, because I just realised I don't know how to live without you anymore.

Edit: WTF the distressed cat looks like it's on shrooms/weed/equivalent.

An Affair To Remember

I now have the wild notion running through my head where at the end of it all we'll make a promise to meet on the Empire State Building in 7 years time on a certain date (maybe your birthday?) if you still want me as much then as much as you do now and vice versa. Leave the whole thing up to fate and all of that jibjabbedy mess, where we'd have fulfilled the commitments that we know will take us away from each other and be free to live our lives as it should be.

One day I'll tell you. I promise.

You Know My Name

I fear I might have made another big mistake again, a beautiful beautiful mistake that means so much to me that it hurts.

Way Up In The Air

Looks like I'm starting to build castles in the sky again~

and the feeling couldn't be more thrilling!

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I evidently need a better way to spend my Christmas nights.
(For the first time ever, a cross posted post! Because I figure one of the intent recipients of this will check his LJ friends page more than the other blog)

Tomorrow I leave for the Philippines. This means that while I am off gallivanting with my classmates, trying to preserve the last dregs of this thing called Classmates, others will be checking into National Service. This means that people like Yeang and Song Yeong will be pretty much absent from my life/msn for the next few months - the forerunners to when the rest of my friends will disappear come early Jan.

The knowledge of this partly terrifies me, but mostly fills me with sadness. Coming from a school where the guys outnumbered females 4 to 1, that's like EVERYONE going in. It doesn't help that I have mostly chosen these people over my old class/schoolmates from MGS.

It must seen quite absurd for me to be worrying and getting distressed over such a thing seeing that I'm not the one who has to suffer by going for NS, yet the idea of almost everyone I hold dear to my heart disappearing from my life overnight scares me. Oh no! It is too soon, too soon! I am not the least bit mentally prepared for all that is going to happen over the next month or so. I don't want to grow up and have to let go. I don't want to be left behind!

But in the meantime: all the best to your NS foray Yeang/Song Yeong, and I'll see you come 6th Jan [ ): ].

The Inheritance of Loss

Just finished off the 2nd part of my main post on the thechartreusetiger, and I'm frankly quite tired and would like to rest.

I came back from Cambodia yesterday, yet I cannot help but miss the place already. I miss the children, and honestly I regret making promises that I don't know if I can keep or not - that I would come back and see them again. It's not that I don't want to see them again, I do! It's just that as of now my life is so unknown, and I know I am such an unpredictable character. I don't even know my own future, much less be able to fully guarantee that I can see them again.

That and the people I've met in the duration of the trip. People who I never talked to or met during normal school days have become friends fast (well, spending about 10+ hours together everyday does that to you). Yet there is the knowledge I am unlikely to see them again in the future, with school gone and all.

Such knowledge and realisation fills me with a great feeling of loss.

The Past Always Catches Up With You

I can't bear to face her anymore because of the things she doesn't know, and the things that I do. It gives me gulty-panic attacks at night.

O. University

I think I recognise today how much I want to go to O. University. And I'm going to do my best to fight for it >.<

IB exams in 5 days, gogogogogo!